God has put a "contract" out on our "old man" and it is
our responsibility to carry out the assignment. We must get to know our target,
and make the "hit."
The way we get to know our "old man" is to study him carefully, get
to know his traits and behaviorisms, and find his flaws. We take a
"searching and fearless moral inventory."
Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of
which is a personal housecleaning, [ p. 64] which many
of us had never attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step, it
could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous
effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been
blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and
conditions.
Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four.
A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking
commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an
effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to
disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without
regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool
himself about values.
We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly.
First, we searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure.
Being convinced that self,
manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us,
we considered its common manifestations.
Resentment is the
"number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything
else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only
mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual
malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with
resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle
with who we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it
was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal
relationships, [ p. 65] (including sex) were hurt or
threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up."
On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our
self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations,
which had been interfered with?
We were usually as definite as this example:
|
I'm resentful at: |
The cause |
Affects my: |
| Mr. Brown |
His attention to my wife. |
Sex relations
Self-esteem (fear) |
| |
Told my wife of my
mistress. |
Sex relations
Self-esteem (fear). |
| |
Brown may get my job at he
office. |
Security.
Self-esteem (fear). |
| Mrs. Jones |
She's a nut -- she snubbed
me. |
Personal relationship.
Self-esteem (fear) |
| |
She committed her husband
for drinking. |
Security. |
| |
He's my friend. |
Self-esteem (Fear). |
| |
She's a gossip. |
|
| My employer |
Unreasonable -- Unjust --
Overbearing |
Self-esteem (fear).
Security. |
| |
-- Threatens to fire me for
drinking and padding my expense account. |
|
| My wife |
Misunderstands and nags. |
Pride |
| |
Likes Brown. |
-- Personal sex relations |
| |
Wants house put in her name |
-- Security (fear). |
We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and
honesty. When we were finished we considered it carefully. The first thing ap-[p.
66]parent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To
conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual
outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it
was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and
tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed
to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.
It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to
futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we
squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic,
whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this
business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For
when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the
Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to
drink is to die.
If we were to
live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm
were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for
alcoholics these things are poison.
We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were
prepared to look for it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that
the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing
of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape?
We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish
them away any more than alcohol.
This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were
perhaps spiritually sick. [p. 67] Though we did not
like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were
sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and
patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended
we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him?
God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way.
If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all
people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view
of each and every one.
Referring to our list again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had
done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish,
dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though
a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other
person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory
was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We
placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and
were willing to set these matters straight.
Notice that the word "fear" is bracketed alongside the
difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer, and the wife. This
short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and
corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set
in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we
didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes [p.
68] we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause
more trouble.
We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had
no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them.
Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it
went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence,
but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us
cocky, it was worse.
Perhaps there is a better way -- we think so. For we are now on a different
basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our
finite selves. We
are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent
that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He
enable us to match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh
at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the
way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men
of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God.
Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to
remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once,
we commence to outgrow fear.
Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there. But above all, we
tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off the track.
Here we find human opinions running to extremes -- absurd extremes, perhaps.
One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity
of procrea-[p. 69]tion. Then we have the voices who cry
for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that
most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do
not have enough of it, or that it isn't the right kind. They see its
significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and
the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of
this controversy. We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We
all have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't. What can we do about
them?
We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish,
dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse
jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have
done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.
In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex
life. We subjected each relation to this test - was it selfish or not? We
asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered
always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be
used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.
Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it.
We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided that we do
not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as
we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about
each specific matter. The right answer will come, if we want it.
God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with [p. 70]
persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that
some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid
hysterical thinking or advice.
Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we
are going to get drunk? Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth.
It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done,
and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we
will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and
our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not
theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.
To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in
each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right
thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping
others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of
ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.
If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have begun to
comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their
terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good
will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We
have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to
straighten out the past if we can. In this book you read again and again that
faith did [p. 71] for us what we could not do for
ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever
self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision,
and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning.
That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about
yourself.